The Field Guide to the Tumorous Mary Sues
by Parodizer
Summary: One faces many dangers when exploring fanfiction, but none as horrible as ... THE MARY SUE! Join me as we delve into the characters of these canon tumors; from the slightly annoying, to the ungodly horrendous.
1. What is a Mary Sue?

First things first, **what is a Mary Sue?**

Well, a Mary Sue is an original female character in fan fiction that serves as a somewhat obvious stand-in for the author, so that they can do what the author only wishes they could do and be what they wish for them to be, think of it as wish fulfillment.

She is the ideal girl. Whether she be an exotic, kickass, beauty with a dark past, or a sunny, pure, driven snow, beauty with a tragic past, she is the center of attention and the object of all desire.

Having a dark past or being beautiful in and of itself is not bad, but if it rules the story and the cast, then it becomes a problem.

Mary is a gorgeous bombshell whose description takes up half the story. Cool name, unusual eyes, and has long, flowing tresses with ten different naturally rainbow-colored highlights. And don't expect her to have a regular sized chest, oh no, they need to bulge like water melons.

She also punches people when they look at them, even if she wears a low-cut bikini top and a skirt so short, it would make a hooker blush, don't expect her to cut you slack.

If she has a devil fruit power, chances are that she possess the power to control water, yes the legendary, Mizu Mizu no mi.

If she doesn't have a power, she's probably **a)** an exceptional fighter **b)** an exceptional swordswoman **c)** charmingly beautiful or **d)** all of the above.

Her flaws consist of being clumsy in the presence of her love interest, being too self sacrificing, stubborn, and a boy magnet. If you expect these flaws to hinder her in any way during the course of the story, then you'll be severely disappointed.

Upon meeting, the crew will immediately accept her as one of them, except for Nami of course; someone needs to constantly look bad by comparison.

Whichever man is unlucky enough to be under the author's adoring eye will be immediately shunted into the role of love interest and be unconditionally, inconceivably, and irrevocably in love with her.

The other members of the crew are rendered useless in their love "plot" and either fade into obscurity or become their cheerleaders of love.

With that said, ON WITH THE TOUR!

**Note**: Any resemblances to anyone's actual OCs may be either completely coincidental, or completely intentional, the world may never know.


	2. Monkey D Lucy

Monkey D. Lucy

**Intro**: Monkey D. Lucy is Luffy's long-lost_ little _sister; twin is optional. She also tends to share traits with both Ace and Luffy such as eating a lot, wearing red, has freckles, etc. Tends to be the more leveled headed than he brothers and more graceful.

**Name**: Usually exotic compared to the rest of the rest of the world, but always with a D. Gems and typical Japanese words are popular.

**Appearance:** She commonly looks like him only with longer (flowing) hair and a scar on her right cheek. Or, looks nothing like him but shares the same surname and hair color. Her eyes are always going to be some color that was never evident in the Monkey bloodline, heck, maybe even two!

**Powers:** More often than not, she does _not _have Devil fruit powers, but when she does, it's often a more glamorous one than her brother's such as flying, turning into a wolf, or controlling/becoming water.

Incredibly strong and with kung-fu grip, she easily defeats anyone who dares get in the way, that is, until her love interest comes along.

**History**: The story usually starts with Luffy acting OOC, thinking of the good ole days with his brother and sister, resulting in a flashback. Apparently she was separated from her loving brothers at a young age, how she was separated from her loving brothers is anyone's guess, but she hasn't been seen in years.

They land on an island until… BANDITS INVADE! Luffy and the gang are about to step in until a waifish figure steps out from the shadows and shows off her kickass skills. After having an attack of Exposition disease, the bandits loudly proclaim, "OMG, IT'S THE (insert awesome title here) PIRATE, CAPTAIN MARY OF THE FARTKNOCKER PIRATES!"

After their imminent defeat, the mysterious waif pulls off her hood to reveal…Luffy's sister! For reason he knows what she looks like after being separated all these years and introduces her to his crew.

Of course the crew take to her immediately, except for a certain green-haired swordsman. He never pays attention to her!

Always walking away when she wants to talk, stutters around her, blushes whenever she comes close; surely this is hatred fully personified!

Of course they hit off later after he saves her from a bout of Damsel's disease and go off to have many little sue babies in the Epilogue, after becoming Pirate Queen of course.


	3. Copycat Sue

Copy Cat Sue

**Intro:** Copy cat sue has the same past and other traits as one or more of the popular characters.

**Name:** Like the author's favorite character name except with a different word of the same meaning or feminized.

_Ex: Chimpanzee D. Lucy_

**Appearance:** Looks like another One Piece character except with different hair, eyes, skin color, or with a tattoo/ scar. A Copy cat Sue is especially noticeable when they are described like this:

_Ex: Looks like Robin except with ebony white hair with red tips, pale skin, and a star tattoo underneath her left eye._

**Powers:** Has a variation of the same powers as another canon character.

_Ex: Lucy has the power to turn into an Arctic wolf._

**History:** As you can guess by now, CC Sue shares the same past as a character, sometimes even taking elements from several characters at once.

_Ex: Chimpanzee D. Lucy used to live with her mean aunt and uncle on the island of Mohara. She ran away at age seven and lived with her two best friends, Jack and Dodger, in a giant tree house. She was the best sharpshooter all around, but she assaulted the King's advisor for hitting a little girl. _

_To keep the girl from getting punished, Lucy promised she would stay tied to a pole for a month without dying. While tied there, she discovered the advisor's plot to kill the king's family to gain their fortune. Her doctor friend, Hiruluka freed her and subsequently dies… by explosion. _

_Lucy beats up the advisor and leaves by her magical sea train, The Steaming John. She soon gets caught by a storm and is washed up on a deserted island with a crotchety old woman, Blue Foot McGee. They almost starve until they are saved by a couple of Merman pirates, the Carlong Pirates. She is forced to collect money for them until she has enough to free herself and Blue Foot McGee. _

_Unbeknownst to her; while off collecting, they kill off Blue Foot McGee and knock out Lucy once she came back with the rest of the money. The dump her onto a broken ghost ship in the Florian Triangle and sail off. She has barely enough to eat and is forced to eat her arm and replaces it with a metal arm made from the scraps found on the ship. Weeks later, the crew find her and ask her to join the crew, which of course she accepts._

**Another variation of the Copy Cat Sue is the _Déjà Sue._**

The Déjà Sue meets the crew in exactly same way as one of the other characters. The difference between her and a Copy Cat Sue is that 1) at least one of the canon characters will remark that meeting them is like déjà vu. 2) This feeling is usually used to establish a relationship with said person.

_Ex: Luffy peered over the wall and saw a young woman tied to a pole in the middle of the blazing hot, dusty field. _

"_Wow! So that's the legendary fencer! Maybe I can get her to join if I untie her ropes!"_

_Coby gasped, "No! That's suicide! Once you set her free, she'll kill you!"_

"_Huh; why do I get this weird feeling of déjà vu?" _

_Luffy then finds out that she has been tied up for a noble reason; falling for her big, golden heart, he goes on to save her from getting executed by the corrupt marine's bratty son. Afterwards they go on many adventures together as a dynamic duo, or at least until Zoro comes around._


	4. Real World Sue

Real World Sue

**Intro**: Normal, bored girl from our world falls into the world of One Piece. Usually told in first person.

**Name**: Of all the sues, she has the most normal name; not usually a D but has a middle, usually traditional, name. Alternately, she will have a Japanese name, despite not being of Japanese origin.

_Ex: Sarah Elizabeth Jane_

**Appearance**: She will describe herself as mildly attractive at best, but we know better. Any variation of brown hair is most common, blond is a close second.

_Ex: I considered myself a Plain Jane, despite the guys that declared their love for me most every day. My hair was a wavy chestnut brown which I kept in a messy bun, and my eyes were a bright blue. _

**Powers:** Doesn't have powers in the beginning, but will find a Devil Fruit during their first day in One Piece

_Ex: I stared at an unusual, swirly-patterned fruit in the water. Being the charming, assertive, and independent tomboy that I was, I ate it after little thought._

**History:** Real World Sue has lived an uneventful, peaceful life for the past eighteen years. She's smart, successful and gorgeous, but wishes for something more in life. Enter convenient knock on the head and she wakes up in One Piece… in the middle of the ocean. She soon meets the crew after nearly drowning; Zoro will apprehensive, Sanji will be love-struck, and Luffy will ask her to join their crew. And somewhere in the middle of all this, she eats a Devil Fruit.

Being the quirky, little modern girl that she is, hilarity will ensue. After a couple of near-death experiences, she will learn some things about herself, discover true love in the arms of an important character (most likely Zoro), and will never go back to the real world if given the chance.


	5. Amnesia Sue

The Amnesia Sue

**Intro:** Amnesia Sue has amnesia. She will find out who she really eventually, but for now she is content with being comforted by Zoro or Ace

**Name:** Since she remembers nothing about her past, it's a good excuse as any to give her a cool, meaningful name. She won't think of it herself, of course, but will be given one through an unusual bout of creativity from one of the crewmembers.

_Ex: Luffy inspected the mysterious girl for a few moments before snapping up suddenly with a huge grin on his face, "What about Raven, because of your raven black hair?" Raven nodded._

**Appearance:** Pale skin with unusual hair color is popular, but scars are a must. They tend to indicate a dark, violent past without going into too much detail. She also is beautiful; not drop dead gorgeous, but pretty enough to evoke a "damn she fine" reaction.

_Ex: Zoro stooped down and brushed the jet black-blue hair from the girl's pale, unconscious face. "Wow, she's beautiful." he shook his head, berating himself for thinking about such a thing at a time like this. His eyes narrowed as he noticed the multiple scars that criss-crossed her arms and legs. She must've had a rough life._

**Powers: **There's a good chance that this mysterious girl has powers more destructive and powerful than anything that has been seen before, or have super kickass skills. She'll probably discover them when she's in a tight spot or saving her love interest

_Ex: Zoro closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable crunch. It didn't come. He eyes widened in shock as he saw Raven easily slap away the building with a powerful burst of wind._

**History: **Raven was washed up onto a beach with none of her memories intact. Coincidently, this is the same island the Strawhats decide to gather food. Zoro finds her by the sea and yells for Chopper to help her. She wakes up enough to ask who she is before collapsing into his manly arms, where he uncharacteristically soothes her.

After healing, she becomes part of the crew. They go on many adventures saving each other until she meets her evil friend/brother. They find out why she's being chased by the world government and the story ends with a kiss and a sunset.


	6. Childhood Friend Sue

**Childhood Friend Sue**

**Intro:** It's been a while since (insert important character, most likely Luffy) last seen her. One day, while gathering supplies, he meets a friend he hasn't seen in a long time. Congratulations, you have just encountered the Childhood Friend Sue! 

**Name:** Japanese names are most common, last names are rare

_Ex: Mariko_

**Appearance:** used to be a scrawny child, but her eyes are apparently the only memorable thing about her since that seems to be the only thing he can remember about her.

_Ex: It had been years since then, she had grown from that awkward, skinny girl with freckles into a beautiful, well developed woman. Even then, her eyes haven't changed. They were the same brilliantly violet, shining orbs that he remembered from those days playing by the river._

**Powers:** She is usually found beating up some baddies using her powers when he walks into the town. Zoan is rare because they need something flashy so that she can show off her immense power.

_Ex: His eyes widened as he saw her easily throw off the two men with a wave of water. The water circled the thugs and threw them into the air, then slammed them into the ground._

**History:** The story starts with a flashback between Luffy and a younger Mariko. He's going to leave tomorrow and she cries. They make a promise to meet again after he leaves. Cut to years later, he dreams about those days and wonders where she is now. The crew stops by an island to stock up on supplies. He wanders around until he notices a beautiful hooded woman getting harassed by two thugs. He's about to step in until she unleashes her totally kickass power. He tells her that she's amazing and if she could join their crew. She punches him and asks if he remembers her. She removes her hood and triggers a whole slew of memories. She may or may not join the crew; if she doesn't join, they'll make another promise with each other as they go their separate ways. Due to recent events, they'll probably meet again at Marineford and she will comfort him after Ace's death, if not saving him. They both sail off into the sunset.


End file.
